Happy Hanukrismakwanzastice
by boysinperil
Summary: HolidayCliche!fic. I wanted to see how many I could get in to one story; not as many as I had hoped but I did get it up by the end of the season today is Epiphany . The usual disclaimer: If they haven't kissed on-screen, they aren't mine. Concrit please!


Sectionals were over, and Christmas break loomed a week and a half away, which meant that the student body was teetering between frantic studying and mind-numbing boredom

waiting for the term to end. Puck and Kurt, having achieved a tentative truce throughout the term, sat together in study hall. "What kind of homo crap are you listening to, anyway?" Puck asked, bored, yanking an earbud from Kurt's ear. "Do you really want to know, Noah?" Kurt looked up, irritation warring with amusement on his face. "Here, let me find you something interesting. One of my favorite holiday songs," he said, and jammed the bud into Noah's ear with one hand while his other scrolled through his phone.

Puck's head moved to the insistent, punk/poppy beat, but his eyes widened in...surprise? horror? interest? as the lead singer's reedy voice sang the first verse.

You'll probably get sweaters/  
underwear and socks/  
But what you'd really like for Christmas/  
is a nice hard cock/  
I wanna be your Christmas present/  
I wanna be your Christmas queer...

Kurt smirked as he listened along, and he wondered how long Noah would be able to listen before he flailed like a little girl. God, straight men could be such babies, especially cute jock boys like Noah. To his surprise, though, Puckerman hung in for the full two-and-a-half minutes, although he paled visibly at the candy cane suggestion.

"What...who the hell is that?" Noah asked. "What, you figured all there was for faggots to listen to is GaGa and Lambert? That was Pansy Division, one of a number of punk bands fronted by queers. Don't forget, Rob Halford sucks dick too." Puck blinked, and Kurt gathered his books together as the bell rang.

***

Kurt's musical choice had certainly given Puck something to think about. Rachel's outburst at the celibacy thing aside, girls never seemed to be interested in sex. Well, the cougars were, but December in Ohio didn't give him much opportunity for "pool cleaning," and he felt the lack of business. Girls his age just didn't think about stuff the same way boys did. What had he heard on some tv show? "I'm a seventeen year old boy, thinking about linoleum makes me horny." And Kurt was listening to songs like that, and Kurt was definitely a seventeen year old guy, too. A designer-wearing, high-voiced freak, maybe, but still a guy. Football meant showering together, and although the kicker was usually in and out so fast he barely got wet, Puck had taken a look. Kurt wasn't terribly tall, but he was lithe and well defined (a dancer's body, Puck's treacherous mind flashed, and, I bet he'd be a wildcat in bed). Puck groaned and closed his eyes. Seriously, what the hell was he thinking?

Puck's train of thought was further derailed in school the next day. First, he had found a bag of gelt taped to his locker - maybe Berry? When he got to Glee, someone - probably Berry - had left a plate of cookies and a pile of large candy-cane sticks on the piano. Kurt was deep in conversation with Mercedes and Brittany. The girls were laughing, and Kurt was flicking his pink tongue over the tip of a candy-cane, and he was...was...Puck had to look away, and adjust his seat. When he looked back, Kurt had half the stick in his mouth, and Puck couldn't help the noise that came from his throat, although he tried to cover it with a cough. Kurt caught his eye, of course, and a wicked smile crossed his face as he swirled his tongue around the candy and licked his lips. He looked at Puck with a decided challenge in his eyes - a challenge Puck just couldn't turn down, but didn't have the faintest idea of how to move forward on.

The moment was broken by Mr. Shue, who clapped his hands as he entered the room. "Ok, guys, listen up. I know not everyone celebrates Christmas, but everyone likes getting gifts, so we're going to do a Secret Santa. Go ahead and pull a name from the hat," he said, ignoring the groans as people remembered how well that went last time, "and we'll have our party the day term ends. I've got us booked to do some caroling, too, so don't make evening plans for next week." Rachel immediately piped up as the rest of the group crowded around, grabbing names from the hat. "What songs will be doing? We have to make sure we have a diverse mix so that we don't upset anyone." Puck almost laughed out loud thinking of Pansy Division…now that was diverse. "I was thinking of a traditional song from each of the major holidays, and then a collection of winter songs. I'd like you guys to come up with some arrangements you think might work, and present them to us on Monday." They spent the next hour arguing classics, and settled on Oh Holy Night and a swing version of Hanukah Oh Hanukah. There had been some discussion about using the South Park Dreidel song, which Mr. Shue had shot down pretty quickly.

As they filed out into the cold night, soft snow was falling. Kurt stopped Puck just outside the door. "I have a brilliant idea for a winter song," he said, that challenge from earlier back in his eyes, along with a little nervousness this time. "Not that Homo Christmas, I hope!" Puck laughed. "No," Kurt said, his soft voice joining in the laugh. "That would be a little much for the old folks at Primrose, I think. If you'll, uh, come to my place now, I'll take you home later. And I'll make dinner."

And so Puck found himself eating chili and cornbread and watching YouTube videos of Baby, It's Cold Outside with Kurt Hummel. Not exactly how he had pictured the weekend when he woke up on Monday, but he was up for something different. He totally got the appeal of the song, too – it was difficult, and funny, especially when Kurt showed him versions where the female voice was the predatory one. They quickly worked out an arrangement where they switched voices from verse to verse; there wasn't much in the way of choreography, but the song followed a natural progression of advance and retreat that certainly explained, and expanded on, Kurt's earlier challenge. Unfortunately, each time one of them would get close to touching the other, they would jump back as if burnt. Finally, they were both satisfied with the arrangement, if not with their reactions to each other, and Kurt drove Puck home. And if it was a little awkward, if there was a little hesitance on both sides when they got to Puck's door, neither one knew just what to do next.

By Monday, Puck had forgotten all about the gelt, until he found a blue bag in his locker. In it he found a yarmulke with a football embroidered on it. He looked around, but there was no note, nothing to give him any hint as to who was playing Hanukah Harry. That reminded him, though, that he needed to find out who had gotten Kurt's name for the Secret Santa exchange. He thought he had figured out a way to move to the next step in their dance. It only took him two tries to find that Santana had Kurt, and she was more than happy to trade for Brittany, whom Puck had drawn – even if she had teased him a bit for wanting Kurt. If you only knew, Puck thought.

The rest of the week went by quickly, between end-of-term nonsense, evening caroling at Primrose and other facilities (Baby, It's Cold Outside was a huge hit) and a daily surprise in Puck's locker. His favorite had been the No-Limit Texas Dreidel set; he was really looking forward to taking all the guys' cash after fight club some night. By Friday, he was dying to see what was in his locker….and was disappointed to go the whole day with no little blue bag appearing. Shrugging it off, he headed for Glee and their little holiday party. He was even more excited to see Kurt's face when he found out who his Secret Santa was.

Slipping in to the music room, Puck left a small, beautifully wrapped box on the growing pile of presents on the piano and looked around at the transformed space. Tina, Brit and Rachel had obviously been in charge, because the space was as red and green and blue and silver as you could possibly get, and oddly it didn't clash nearly as badly as he expected. Additionally, there were boughs of greenery on every horizontal surface, and mistletoe hanging just everywhere. Gleeks and jocks and cheerios mingled and laughed and ate. Finally, Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury started handing out the gifts, and Puck was surprised when he ended up with two – one in the familiar blue bag. Puck really did like the copy of You Do Not Talk About Fight Club that Artie had gotten him, but he was far more interested in his final Hanukah gift. Finally, finally, there was a card. Noah, it's been an interesting year. I hope you get everything you want for Hannukrismakwanzastice. Kurt.

Puck looked at Kurt, and found that the smaller boy was already on his way across the room toward him. Together they opened their boxes – matching boxes – and found that they had bought each other the same scarf. Kurt started laughing when he discovered that his box also contained two large candy canes. Puck pulled out his scarf and wrapped it around Kurt, pulling him down on to his lap. "Look," Puck said, pointing up. "It's a law…" He was interrupted by Kurt's lips on his, tentative at first but definitely gaining confidence as Puck returned the kiss. Unsurprisingly, Kurt tasted like peppermint.


End file.
